Monday, July 28, 2003

Bad Parents

You know your parents weren't really minding the store if these three words mean anything to you: Carnation Instant Breakfast. Oh Yeah. When breakfast is just too much trouble. Why bother with the ordeal of pouring cereal into a bowl when you can give your kids some fake chocolate milk which tastes like mud mixed with shit?

Thanks mom. This industrial sludge is delicious. I can't imagine why dad left you.

Instant breakfast? How long was breakfast taking? I thought it was the easiest meal, honestly. How much effort does toast really demand?

"Oh, I'd love to make you some wheaties, sweet heart, but that would require my lifting this two ounce box and tilting it at a forty-five degree angle, to say nothing of the necessity of a clean bowl. And I'm sure you understand that mommy is just a little tired from all the drinking."

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